January 31, 2009 at 10:17 pm | Posted in adoption process, family | 3 Comments
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(Lisa here)

Everything has been ‘on hold’ today since both little guys have fevers.    Zach wants to be held constantly.   His breathing is “raspy” (that’s a medical term for ‘scares a mom to death’)  Philip’s nose is a faucet.   Neither has an appetite.    There’s nothing on my agenda except taking care of them anyway, but I’m sorry it has to be this sort of taking care of.

I’m not sure what the etiquette on this is, but here’s my confession:

Before they were here with us, I wondered, “Will I feel the same about them as I do my other kids?”   “Will it be forced or will it come natural?”     Today as I’m pouring more juice or rocking a whimpering baby or taking a temperature again or measuring milliliters of acetaminophen, I’m relieved to recognize that my heart is truly and naturally captured in a maternal way.   No faking it or forcing it.   I find myself nuzzling them and comforting them and fretting over them in ways that are familiar and that provide a sort of internal maternal measuring stick for me.     Before, I wondered if I’d be genuine at this.    I wondered if I could ‘do it’ — not the tasks but the heart.   Now, there’s no doubt:   I’m not babysitting and hoping that some mother stuff will eventually kick in.    It’s here.

As a friend recently pointed out, you can’t just pick a kid up off the playground and love them.   It has to be from God.   And so it is.  Another gift from God ~ Protective, sweet, authentic mother love.

If you would, pray that they get well soon.

Pictures are of a few days ago when they were feeling perkier.

Zach and Daddy

Zach and Daddy

Philip and Daddy

Philip and Daddy

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