things to think about

June 26, 2008 at 4:30 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

the future

Our agency wisely requires us to take a couple of online courses prior to our boys arrival. So today, Tague and I sat down to the computer and took the “Conspicuous Families” course. It is a class designed to help us think through what it will be like to be a racially mixed family and how to ‘color our world’ in a way that our boys will see other people like themselves in our lives.

The class also introduced us to some of the invasive and insensitive comments/questions/looks that we are told to expect as the result of our family being racially blended. We will soon be a family that is obviously not genetically linked and our relationship status will be on public display forever more in a way that is different than it would be if we were adopting a couple of white skinned, blond-haired kids. We may be a curiosity to people and the obviousness of our adoption may give some more courage to ask things that they normally wouldn’t. Such as, “Are they your real kids?” Or “How much did you have to pay for them?” Or, “What do you know about their real mom?”

What must these questions sound like in the ears of a child?

We’ve been told by many experienced friends that this IS what’s coming, so we should be thinking about it now in preparation for these awkward situations. People don’t mean to be rude and they don’t mean to make the journey for an adopted child harder.

People are just interested in the story. We are fascinated with the whole idea of being an orphan. (Just think of how many children’s stories have an orphan/stepmother/orphanage/abandonment story line! Annie, Stewart Little, Madeline, Oliver Twist, Cinderella, Tarzan, Lilo and Stitch, Meet the Robinsons…… I’m sure you can think of lots more!) The way families come together and the way permanent lifetime bonds are formed is deeply interesting. And that’s ok. But, the way we respond about issues of family and race will create a category in our boys’ minds as to how they are to think about it. I already love these little fellows. I want them to have a wonderful world and a wonderful experience, knowing that they are loved and that the very purposes of God are accomplished in joining us all together as a family.

I can’t imagine that we’ll be standing in line at Target someday and someone will ask an insensitive question that may linger in their young minds. We have a long way to go as parents to do this well. I have only seen the world through my own eyes and my own white, biologically intact family experience. Trying to begin to see it through the eyes of another person of a different race and a different family of origin situation is very new.

Seems like adoption is having the unexpected side benefit of making me more aware of how needy I am and more desperately dependent on God and His mercy!! Thank GOD He’s willing to equip us to do what He’s called us to do!!!

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  1. This is so beautifully written and also so true. It has been such a joy to follow you through this process. I am continuing to pray for the perfect arrival time for these precious little boys.


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